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Please provide final feedback to the creators of this submission below:​

  • What did you like or love about this submission?

  • What did you find confusing or unclear?

  • What suggestions do you have to make it stronger?

Nova

So, like, I love Aisha, but wow, Alfred really out here gettin' blipped from existence. F. Anyways, love the story—love the characters! The scope seems a lot more societal and less individual than I'd anticipated—super neat! And, I loved when Tea was showing Aisha the whole community of unbubbled people—I adore that kind of feel.

Anyways, why does Tea try to get people out of their bubbles? Is it that she wants other people to experience the joy that she experiences? How DOES she get people to come out of their bubbles? Is it just by striking up conversations and offering flowers? Reaching out and giving help? How were people harassing her? What did they find annoying about her? Is it a characteristic that Aisha used to find annoying as well? Does Tea have any friends her age? Or, is she mostly just friends with older people and workers and such?

So, suggestion time—I loved Aisha stepping in to protect Tea, but, at least going off the example, I think Aisha woulda done better to protect Tea by staying in her bubble? More surface area, y'know? Better defense. I know I'm just going off of the one picture, but yeah—I'd suggest changing the scenario to make more sense for her to unbubble. Like, rather than physically protecting her, she sees Tea being harassed and decides to stand beside her and unbubble in solidarity. But, I'm not sure if that would stop the harassment, so you could get a whole bunch of people who have been affected by Tea's positivity to unbubble in support. Like, some elderly people and shop owners and etc. (community-type people). Also, to give the two characters even more contrast in design, I might take Alfred's glasses and smack 'em on Aisha... Or, the other way around, smack 'em on Tea. It's not just that I like glasses—you're crazy. Speaking of Aisha and Tea, I might mess with whose perspective you want to take the story from, since it'd wildly change the meaning. Aisha's would of course be about coming out of your bubble and stuff. Tea's, on the other hand, would be more akin to the difference one person can make and to continue being positive and yourself even when you can't see the impact. Or, you could take the story from both perspectives to achieve both messages at once, though that might be a tad ambitious. For ideas on split-perspective stuff, check out "Jinxy Jenkins & Lucky Lou", and for ideas on Aisha's whole character arc, check out "Mr. Indifferent".

I'm very excited to see how it turns out!

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Kwong Yue

I like the world that's been built and the curiosity it brings as the story develops. I was unclear on why Taya is outside her bubble, but maybe that will be explained once you dive into the story. Maybe give the bullies a stronger reason for harassing Taya (or somehow relate the bullies to Aisha, which would make it even harder to step out of the bubble).

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James

I am really waiting to see what happens if "Bubble Collide or someone pops the bubble". I like the idea. Keep it going.

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Gabriela

I love your story and the art captures beautifully. The concept of being in an actual bubble on how we behave in society it's genius. Something unclear, why Thea it's not in a bubble? Is she always being that way or recently? How lesha left the bubble to defend Thea? One suggestion would it's to give the origins about the bubble world and the people who are out of them?

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Julie

I like the story and the art compliments it well! The whole idea is certainly relatable to our current society.

I am wondering how Thea doesn't have a bubble and how many others don't have one either. It is a little unclear as to how Thea and Iesha become friends if the relationship starts out in friction. What specifically does Thea do to coax Iesha out of her bubble? How/what specifically does Iesha come to know about the bubble-less world? I am also curious about how far the bubble goes ... are people in them at home, or only in public?
Fun idea and looking forward to more!

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Alia

The theme of literally being in one's bubble is portrayed well and I understand the moral is about opening yourself up to new experiences and being exposed to mindsets other than your own. One suggestion I'd make is to show, in the bubbles, what kind of person someone is. For instance, you mention that Isha is self-reliant and doesn't give a thought to the world outside of her bubble. Show us what's in her bubble. Maybe Isha is into anime so a bunch of anime characters float inside with her. Maybe Isha likes music so a bunch of songs are on repeat. Maybe Isha likes art so her bubble is rainbow colored and changes according to her mood. I believe that sometimes it takes certain people to take a while to warm up to others so I think it's adorable that Taya sees beyond Isha's cold shoulder and continue to try to befriend her. :D

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Shayleen (1 like)

Hey, Team Cool! I like how you've built this story out! I am really interested in the friendship between the two girls. I'm curious to know what really motivates Isha to defend Taya. I'm also curious how they physically get out of their bubble. Something that is confusing to me is what the benefit is to them being outside of their bubble vs. inside their bubble. I'm excited to see this play out! Great job!

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Bubblepop Story Spline

Story Spline of Bubble Pop. Let me know your thoughts and suggestions!

Special Thanks:

Team:
Team Cool

Cynthia

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