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Please provide final feedback to the creators of this submission below:​

  • What did you like or love about this submission?

  • What did you find confusing or unclear?

  • What suggestions do you have to make it stronger?

Julie (1 like)

I like the direction that the story is heading! The addition of the crow character as Birdie's entry into the real world works well. I would like to hear more about the interaction between the crow and Birdie and less about the astronaut and mermaid characters, as they don't appear later in the story. The crow/Birdie angle is really heartwarming.

It was slightly confusing to me about how the crow got Birdie off the shelf and how Birdie wound up alone with the other birds that bullied him. I love that crow came to Birdie's rescue. I would like more of that part of the story too.

The moral end may need to be sharpened up, but I think if the Birdie / Crow interaction is strengthened, that will come.

I Love your drawings of Birdie. So cute! You really feel for Birdie by how they are drawn ... the big eyes (childlike) and the skinny legs ( hard to stand on when you don't believe in yourself) and the stuck wings (can't fly that way).

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Enkhee

Hello Julie,

Thank you for your advice! 😊

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Diego (1 like)

Hello One-woman's band, yey!

I like the fact that Birdie, the protagonist, is so cute and I love how it is trying so hard to fulfill its wish! It makes us keep buckled to our seat and find out more about him.

Please take into account that what I am writing here is on account of my first impression and that I couldn't understand the audio clearly so I missed a lot of information. Also

What I found confusing was that there were too many details in the narration and ended up distracting me because I couldn't tell between what was important and what wasn't. I found also confusing the relevance of many characters that appeared in the story.

The main idea I got was that Birdie found out it could have a name and that made him become aware of himself, then had the wish to fly like a real bird, and a crow helped him achieve it. That is why my advice, if I understood well would be to only focus on narrating the things that help to show the protagonists whishes, needs and struggles, I don't really see the importance of taking too much time talking about the other characters.

-Team Raining Frogs
https://www.storyxperiential.com/media/5253f3fe-5eb9-487c-b19d-720000310f82

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Enkhee (1 like)

Hi Diago,
Thank you for your feedback. I agree with you. I am terrible at summing up my stories. I feel grateful that many of you help me to narrate this story. 🙂

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Diego (1 like)

Dont worry, it is great to be extensive at first because we need to put everything down on paper at the begining to get our thoughts and ideas writen.

It is perfect, now to sum it up just try to use short sentences answering the 9 story spine points we learnt,that is all. You are great telling stories!!!

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Meredith (1 like)

Wow, I love these characters a lot! I like that they are knick knacks on a shelf and the different abilities and appearances that gives them along with being limited to inside the lonely house on a shelf. I love how the new addition helps the porcelain bird form an identity before he meets the real bird. My questions after hearing this are what the owner of these trinkets is like. Even without seeing them, the types of knick knacks on the shelf could tell us a lot. Also, do the other items like the astronaut or mermaid try to have similar adventures? I can almost see the mute mermaid shock and awe seeing the bathroom for the first time. So much water! Anyway, love this idea so much ^_^

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Enkhee

Hi Meredith,
Thank you for your feedback. You gave me another idea! 😉

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Maria Teresa (1 like)

Hello, I always look for your work, I love seeing how you are developinga a story, I feel it very sweet. He has a good friend already yey ¡
Apparently it is moral, we are allapplying it.

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Enkhee

Hi Maria,
Thank you for your feedback.

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Porcelain bird

Porcelain bird - Story spine
The story has one major and one sub-moral. The main moral is "believe in yourself." The sub-moral of the story is that people do not know how to do something they have never experienced until told by someone.

This is where the special thanks would go!  I’m assuming they will be a little longer this week, therefore, I designed extra space for them. If there is far more description and special thanks then there is space, this entire box becomes scrollable.

Special Thanks:

Team:
One-woman's band, yey!

Enkhee

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