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Please provide final feedback to the creators of this submission below:​

  • What did you like or love about this submission?

  • What did you find confusing or unclear?

  • What suggestions do you have to make it stronger?

Malachi (1 like)

this is a cute story. I feel like it can represent a language barrier or how youth act when around the elderly. good job.

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Florian (1 like)

I really like the overall concept. But what I didn't understand is why is the computer wanting to communicate with the smartphone in first place? And why is the smartphone drying all this things (Playing music etc) even if it knows that the internet is not working? I think you can make something really great with this idea.

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Christopher (1 like)

The computer wants a friend. One part glossed over is that after the computer is fixed and left alone, he tries to dial up other systems, but just gets the old “this number is no longer in service”… sad computer! Looks over and notices something he hasn’t seen before… the smart phone.

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Jessica (1 like)

I really like this concept. The story had a lot of nice surprises that made me laugh and smile: when the internet went out and when the started playing tic tac toe. I like the pacing and story structure. I wonder why the smart phone's text messages are not "true friendships." I suggest making the smart phone's communication be social media comments and posts rather than texts because real friends do text each other. I also suggest anthropomorphizing the computers a bit more so they look more like humans and therefore more relatable. Lastly, can the old computer try different ways to communicate with the smart phone? On the one hand, repetition is good in stories, but if it gets repetitive, it's worth exploring the different tactics the old computer might take. Great work! I could totally see this being a developed Pixar short. I also see another theme of communication (in addition to the one you stated), how the old and young sometimes have a hard time communicating with each other because they speak different languages (literally and/ or metaphorically). It reminds me a bit of the children's book, Drawn Together by Minh Le.

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Christopher (1 like)

Thank you! Yes, there are several story “holes” in the spine. The basic idea was to highlight social media, cloud sources… basically, without the internet, he’s a brick. We are going to use sounds and gestures to communicate more, but no dialog. We just plugged in “tries to communicate” as a high level place holder. So much more to do with the characters as well… tried a few anamorphic adjustments… some looked scary. :)

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Madeleine (1 like)

Hi Matthew and Christopher, congratulations! I liked how well you personified the two characters, and explained the drastic difference between them. It made for a great character pairing. Your "moral of the story" is an excellent idea, and very relevant to today's world. I was a bit unclear on if the computer had more communicative capabilities, and in what way was the computer trying to communicate? Via text on a screen, a printed message on paper? Did the smartphone hear those messages and ignore them? A suggestion I have would be to explore ways in which the computer can try to get in touch with the smartphone and the smartphone's reaction to those methods to hone in directly on what the computer has taught the smartphone.

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Christopher (1 like)

The idea would be that he does ignore the gestures from the computer… kinda like “ugh, leave me alone!”. We have several ideas on how the computer would communicate; slide the mouse to nudge, sounds and subtle screen messages. Thanks for the feedback!

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"Hello" Story Spine

Once upon a time…
…There was an old computer that was brought out of storage and fixed.  On the desk, next to this computer, there was a new smart phone. Every day…
…The old computer would try to communicate with the new smart phone, to no avail.  The smart phone was too busy texting, swiping and scrolling to notice or care. But one day…
…the smart phone lost connectivity to the internet. Because of that…
…he frantically tried to run his apps.  The old computer tried to communicate. Because of that…
…he frantically tried to text.  The old computer tried to communicate. Because of that…
…he frantically tries to play music.  The old computer tried to communicate. Until finally…
…the old computer offers up a game of tic-tac-toe.  The smart phone, in defeat, accepts the game. Ever since that day…
…the smart phone plays various games with the old computer.  Even when the internet comes back, the smart phone continues to see the value of real friendship instead of a fabricated one. The moral of the story is…
…it’s better to slow down and enjoy genuine friendship than the fabricated friendship of thousands.

Christian Roman
Matthew Smith
Everyone on the Pixar In A Box Team

Special Thanks:

Team:
Matthew and Christopher

Christopher, Matthew

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