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Please provide final feedback to the creators of this submission below:​

  • What did you like or love about this submission?

  • What did you find confusing or unclear?

  • What suggestions do you have to make it stronger?

Miriam (1 like)

I love the paper cut technique that you have used! "Bedtime Story" is a short film that I love, because it tells what would happen if children got lost in the stories their parents tell them at bedtime. It reminds me of "Bedtime Stories" (Adam Shankman, 2008), when all the stories start to come to life in the real world and everything spirals out of control. I want to see the full story.

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Miriam

"Bedtime Story" is a short film that I love, because it tells what would happen if children got lost in the stories their parents tell them at bedtime. It reminds me of "Bedtime Stories" (Adam Shankman, 2008), when all the stories start to come to life in the real world and everything spirals out of control. I want to see the full story.

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Colin (2 likes)

-Hello Team: 4tissimo, this is Colin Cameron from Team Bro Ham Cam. This probably is the best presentation I have witnessed since beginning my story xperiential campaign back in the beginning of March. I like the creativity and the imagination put forth to evolve this story and I think trying to get your kid to fall asleep is a very relatable, yet strenuous situation for an entire family, especially the parents. I think it is very important for parents to sometimes see the world in the eyes of their children. and since this is a struggle for people, since they literally cannot remember what it is like to be a baby, I feel like one of the only options to get on Nico's level is to have a dream-like experience with Nico because he obviously cannot communicate with them.
-What I find that is confusing or unclear is where the conflict is? This family seems to be very happy and together all the time, then this dream occurs randomly. It doesn't feel maybe as relevant to the viewer that it could be. The only suggestion I have if you are open to it is to try rearranging the plot so that the characters have more of a reason to be in this dream with Nico.
-Hopefully this helps,
Colin C.

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Peter

I am unclear when the family found out they enjoyed creating stories together. When did you show that they did not enjoy creating stories together?? Everything from the beginning starts as the entire family enjoying each other. Even the introduction of the family and Team 4tissimo was about being a close family. I don't understand why they realized they need to spend more time together at the end when they seem to be a close family. The tone of the narration could be less uplifing when they were not wanting to work together. My suggestion is to show conflict within the family. That they were being selfish and need to go to sleep and not help Nico. They did help but only as individuals which confused Nico because they all told stories as individuals and not as a family. Nico felt so confused and more restless. The solution was to tie in all the individual stories into one big complete story which finally helped Nico go to sleep. The process made the family realized, wow, look at what we did as a family together but we couldn't do it individually! The production value is superb. You're all amazing in the presentation, the music and the narration.

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Varian (2 likes)

That is so cute and creatively made! I love the visual time-lapse within. There's no words spoken, but you get sense of time. The music fits the family themed setting.
I personally would have loved to see more of the stories the little one was lost in. Maybe in putting the baby into the scenarios of the stories that got told, shifting the backgrounds into the tales very quickly behind.

But all in all the moral is top notch and I can totally see that becoming a kids show on television or as a children's book (about books) xD

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NAZISH (1 like)

Wow what an amazing video and performance by all of you! Very creative and full of life! I think its a great idea overall, but one thing I was a little unclear about was how the baby got lost with all the stories. Were they all telling their stories at the same time, and they were all so different that it got out of hand and caused the baby to get lost in it? I just wasn't sure about that part and how it happened, but I really like how they all got their stories together and became in sync. Really great job, it was so artistic and such a fun video to watch!

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Malachi (1 like)

this was an incredible story. it had a wholesome message and was creative in its visuals. It reminds me of children tv shows I grew up watching! amazing work!

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Duane (1 like)

Very creative, innovative and immersive way to present a Story Spine. To make it stronger you may have to do the ‘story within a story’ format. You seem like a strong team so there is no doubt you can do it!

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Kim (1 like)

Oh my God I actually started tearing up in your story. Hats off to your amazing production skills and outrageously gorgeous drawings. I love the idea of story about a group of people telling a story their child gets lost in. I guess what I need clarified is - does he actually disappear? So he actually gets lost in the story and then they must work together to weave a story that he can find his way out of? If that's it, I think that's an amazing idea - and even if it's not quite it, I'm still loving the story, and I'm sure it will be clear as it unfolds. Wow, now I'm really excited to see how this turns out! Great work.

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James (1 like)

That was a creative way you built the spine. I think the midpoint between the stories is going to get really interesting. Looking forward to Act 1, what are your thoughts at this point?

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Richard (2 likes)

I love your creativity in telling your story spine. This was such a fun idea and I really enjoyed watching it. Regarding the story, I like the concept of everyone telling a story to put the baby to sleep, but I'm confused about the baby getting lost in the story (nice FX by the way). I get a sense of magic happening here where the baby and each of the family members sort of transport to the story, but its unclear to me if its all imagination or not. I really look forward to what you all come up with this story, but also how you present it as well.

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Bedtime Story Spine

Yeah, baby! Featuring set design by mOm & Dad, & dynamic lighting (using an iPod flashlight) by Nova. -- Oh yeah, & just about everything else by sKye.

Thank You To...
Sara for the cleaning up our storyboards

Reyʻ for the tablet Nova uses to make art on every day & Chris for the beautiful keyboards to write new stories on

the Xperiential staff for giving us all an opportunity to remember how awesome it is to make stuff together

& everyone participating in Xperiential -- You are awesome!!! We love your stories.

Never stop being creative.

Special Thanks:

Team:
4tissimo

Jackie, Mark, Nova, Skye

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