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Please provide final feedback to the creators of this submission below:​

  • What did you like or love about this submission?

  • What did you find confusing or unclear?

  • What suggestions do you have to make it stronger?

Philip

I like your artistic direction! One thing that was confusing to me was how Caelus and his friend overcame the stigma between the peoples. One suggestion for making it stronger would be to not be afraid to really dig into what the prejudices look like, and how to overcome them -- I think that's the heart of your story!

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Victor

This is cool, intertwine of celestial beings and human.
I wonder if the sky people can share they powers

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Jacquelin

What did you like or love about this submission? I loved the drawings and story concept.
What did you find confusing or unclear? It was a little confusing with all of the characters.
What suggestions do you have to make it stronger?You could focus it on one sky and one ground person to narrow it. Each time you add a character it requires more layers which you can do for the spine it would be good to focus on only 1 or 2 of them.

I enjoyed this story a lot I think it has a lot of ability to grow within it. Great job!

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Destry

You've got a great start to a really cool story! I enjoy the idea of the two clashing cultures, and I always find fish-out-of-water stories to be a fun time. I would say, at this moment, Caelus's preconceived prejudices against ground people are unclear (if the ground people dislike the sky people, it makes sense the sky people would have their own prejudices too). Also, the story jumps from being about Caelus and the ground person to being about societal stuff toward the end, and it loses the emotional impact of the story.

Let your antagonizing challenges be more prominent. Let there be specific, concrete challenges that Caelus and the ground guy need to overcome in order to achieve their want, and build toward a stronger emotional payoff with your climax. The moral, at this point, doesn't fully mesh with the climax--if we're working against societal prejudices, those prejudices need to be shown as direct challenges to what your characters want. If Caelus wants to get back home, what specific, concrete examples of society keep him from getting there? What can he learn to appreciate while he's in the ground-people society?

Oh! And one last thought: you have a cool design concept for the sky people, but the ground people just feel like normal people at this point. If that's what you're going for, that's cool, but it makes things less of an even-ground when it comes to their prejudices and it looks more like the sky people are incredibly privileged--they have flight, lots of angelic backgrounds and architecture, etc--while the ground people are stuck in blocky, cube-shaped buildings. At that point, it looks less like the ground-people need to understand the sky people and more like the sky people are living in ivory towers while ignoring the needs of the ground people. If you want to have more of an even-ground society--one where there isn't a clear privileged-versus-unprivileged divide--I would recommend being bold with your ground people design. Make them look interesting, and also make their architecture look like something they would naturally want to live in. Use the idea of ground-versus-sky to really make the ground people's world *wildly different* than what Caelus is used to.

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Elle

I really love this idea of a friendship between these 2 world’s you’ve created. I also like the journey that these two characters went through to achieve that friendship, and the determination they have to keep it despite the odds and their differences.

I was a little confused about the part where the sky people come to bring Caelus back, and then immediately after the ground people “built flying machines to bring Caelus back. I’m interesting in what your intention was for this. Did the ground people make the flying machines to take Caelus back to them (the ground people) after the sky people took him back?

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Samuel

I like the moral of the story and I like the creativity of the story. One thing I was unsure about was if they're a gay couple and people disapprove of them but need to learn to accept them and not judge them for something they don't understand or if it's a different reason. It's interesting though and sounds cool

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Caelus

Story Spine for Caelus, the Skyworld and the Ground world.

This is where the special thanks would go!  I’m assuming they will be a little longer this week, therefore, I designed extra space for them. If there is far more description and special thanks then there is space, this entire box becomes scrollable.

Special Thanks:

Team:
Pack in Animation

AJ, Manayal, Raygene, Sunshine

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