Please provide final feedback to the creators of this submission below:
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What did you like or love about this submission?
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What did you find confusing or unclear?
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What suggestions do you have to make it stronger?
Keo
Great job, guys!!!
I love the style and design of your characters and world.
I am a little bit lost on the story, however. I think the pilgrim is an interesting idea, however I feel like they don't really connect to the story after their introduction. Perhaps Zala tries to chase after the thief and slowly realizes she fades away during the chase, revealing the mirage aspect? I think you're ideas are all really cool and I can't wait to see what you guys have in store!
Sara
I really love the Bazar element, so original and mysterious. I would love to know more about it and the story behind Zara. Is Zara a lost soul herself? And, if not, why does she have this honorable mission to save souls? I am very curious to find out more about this story!
Manayal (1 like)
The concept is super creative and unique, I love the mystery of a bazaar appearing unexplainably in the desert. I had a little bit of a harder time understanding why zala had to leave the bazaar, and what her being an illusion meant for her. But this story has fantastic potential and I cant wait to see what it becomes!!
Cheyenne (1 like)
I love the mystery behind this story! Your compositions are really nice and easy to understand as well. The moral of your story is great.
It was a little unclear, however, how the events in the story lead up to this moral. What happens to the souls she saves? Does Zala really save the souls, or is that what she is led to believe? How does she learn to live under the light of the sun? Does the mysterious pilgrim teach her how? Where does the mysterious stranger come from? Were they a merchant in the Bazaar at some point as well?
To make your story stronger I would suggest maybe exploring your characters motives and backstories a little more. I don't have clear view of whether Zala is the hero or the villain in this story, or an understanding of her motives behind saving lost souls in the desert. I would also love to learn more about the mysterious pilgrim and their origins.
Great work! I love your illustrations, and I can't wait to see more!
Javier (1 like)
The concept is really interesting. Also the characters I like them very much. I felt the bazar was a little bit confusing, I had to re-read the description to understand it. Why did Zala followed the merchant? if it is the bad guy, does she have like a fight or what happened there? I see a lot of potential on the story, and there are little things in the second act that made me ask more things.
Melissa (1 like)
I LOVE this. The entire concept of a wandering bazar saving lost souls is super creative, and the art style is great! However, I'm a bit confused about the story progression and Zala's role. So, she's part of an illusionary bazar saving souls, but she has an enemy pilgrim who does the same, but she's also an illusion.... it just confused me. I get the gist of it, but if you can clear it up I think it would be much better.
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The Shadow's Bazar
ONCE UPON A TIME there was a novice merchant in the shadow's bazar her name was Zala;
EVERY DAY the Bazar appeared where there was a soul lost in the desert;
BUT ONE DAY a misterius pilgrim saved the lost soul, stealing Zala's first bargain;
BECAUSE OF THAT Zala ask herself if ther was another way to save the lost souls;
BECAUSE OF THAT the other merchants told her horrible stories about the pilgrim and that he was their terrible enemy;
BECAUSE OF THAT Zala worked harder and harder to save all the lost souls;
BECAUSE OF THAT when the pilgrim reappered she followed him out of the Bazar;
UNTIL FINALLY she realized she was the illusion herself;
EVER SINCE THAT DAY Zala learnd to live under the light of the sun far from the shadow`s Bazar illusions;
THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS that there are no easy trick to face difficulties if not go throught them, only you can save yourself Can you?
This is where the special thanks would go! I’m assuming they will be a little longer this week, therefore, I designed extra space for them. If there is far more description and special thanks then there is space, this entire box becomes scrollable.
Special Thanks:
Team:
Cappuccino's
Anna, Eleonora, Matteo, Veronica
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