Desiree

Your story is interesting and unique.

Chris

Really cool and interesting concept with nature literally having a mind of its own.

P

What a unique way to personify mountains, and symbolize one's family. I also enjoyed your theme that change is inevitable and loving your family for who they are. I was a little confused how startling the mountains would cause Jett's home to flee and whether there is a difference between "mountains" and "hills"? Can provide a detail or rule about this world and the consequence of "startling"? Also, it would be great to drive the story more from Jett's perspective, i.e. what does Jett feel or struggle with by seeing his family so angry? What does he learn when trying to corral his family to return home? And why does he accept letting them live how they want - what does he realize and why? Great story concept and I look forward to your story developing more!

Skye

Of everything I've seen so far from any of the Xperiential stuff I've seen, this one seems the most like it's dying to be something a great deal longer than a short. Don't let that discourage you from condensing it, because I'm a big proponent of being able to tell the same story in longer AND shorter runtimes. Otherwise, how will we ever get ANY of our stories out, am I right? But wow, so many moving parts, and what a beautiful family that Jett has! The way this story spine was told made it seem like Jett's family wasn't playing that big a part in the story, but having looked at your other entries (Excellent stuff, so impressed with your watercolour skills, what did you use? And I commend you for adding external URLs for things we can't include here), I can see they're REALLY integral to the whole thing.

To get the family into the story as fast as possible, I'd personally begin this story with Jett getting ready for another big day of shepherding the hills, maybe getting dressed with that huge scarf (favourite part of the design, so elegant, so magical) and eating a quick breakfast, with his family members all smothering him, making him feel like, more than ever, he needs to escape this routine. On his way towards his post, he passes all his other family members who greet him from afar from all their other houses scattered across the hills, etc. Then, when all the hills scatter, we know exactly who's being affected, and why that matters to Jett.

I love that the hills and mountains have little unassuming smiley faces, it reminds me of something that Hilda or Infinity Train (like the ubiquitous liquid Randall) might do. I also love that they have little arms and feets, but maybe they should look more like rock formations, maybe with lots of moss grown over them? I assume Jett tries to ensure they move as little as possible normally, so they'd probably have to pull away from the growth and uproot themselves to get anywhere. And that little tree pun in the second panel is very extremely my style of humour, I'm SOLD.

Did Jett THROW A BOMB into the mountain's mouth to clear a path? That MADMAN! I will say, it looks like Jett can fly? What exactly was blocking his path? Or would he have to travel by foot? I'm surprised it didn't just have to do with making a mistake on his musical staff (Is that a music pun?) that upset all the hills and mountains! Like, what if he just accidentally made a big, shrill noise because he was being careless or rowdy? A kind of Boy Who Cried Wolf moment-- he just was so bored and frustrated, thinking, "I'd go explore the world, if only they'd LET ME!", and he just let loose for a moment, causing the landscape to go into a state of chaos. Y'know, all Turning Red-like. Feels good to let loose, but it has consequences.

The little montage you drew of all the hills scared off to the wrong places is brilliant. I especially love the one that's just... on-top of a very, very tall mountain. It reminds me of-- this is a very esoteric reference, but this character called the Velocimomometer from Pajama Sam? She tends to find herself up in high places when she's scared. Also, I hope "I have made a terrible mistake" is specifically an Arrested Development reference, bweheheh. To fit into the short timeframe, you might actually need to do this montage style, with sparing to no dialogue, so keep this great frame you drew in mind during the final reel!

Woah, that crazy zoom-out of the landscape is so interesting! Is, like, the archipelago a... feral rat thing, and is it being surrounded by a whole bunch of clouds that is a regal cat? Lotsa fun design choices here. Looks like they don't like each other too much. ;) Are they upset because all of Jett's corralling is pushing them closer together?

The resolution to this is great because it doesn't remove responsibility from Jett for making this all happen. What we do can have lasting, irreversible impact on things, and we can't always just want to fix things and make them back to "normal", because normal might not ever be able to come back or be at all manageable under new circumstances. It reminds me a bit of the ending of Weathering with You, which I thought was brilliant-- the idea that things are forever changed, and it IS the main characters' fault, and it's... actually okay that it's never going back to normal, because this IS the new normal. And we can learn to have happiness in this new world that we have had a hand in shaping. Definitely an unexpected different kind of happy ending-- and I look forward to seeing the family integrated throughout, so that we can feel the weight of what Jett's trying to save, and feel pain when his family members say they don't intend on coming back into the valley where they always used to live, and feel that sense of emotional payoff when everyone realizes that they'll always be a family, even when they don't all live together.

Philip

your concept and world is fantastic. I was a little confused by two parts: (1) how did Jett's leaving put into motion the chain of events? How was the mountain spooked by Jett? (2) what caused Jett to have his emotional change and reversal? Was it seeing the mountains fight? Getting exhausted at having to go collect them all? One suggestion for making things stronger is to play up the power and importance of the mountains, and make it a little obvious Jett doesn't really how important his work is.

Angelina

I love your your story, it is a really interesting adventure plot. Your drawings are well done and full of detail that really help the story and world you have created come alive. I really enjoy how you personified the islands and turned them into their own characters of your story. I look forward to seeing more!