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Please provide final feedback to the creators of this submission below:​

  • What did you like or love about this submission?

  • What did you find confusing or unclear?

  • What suggestions do you have to make it stronger?

Philip (1 like)

What I liked about this character is the details around where they fit in their universe -- I could imagine the archetypes very well. What I found confusing or unclear was what would motivate her to change her situation. I think if there was a clearer gap between where she is and where she wants to be, it would help the audience root for the character more.

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Dean (1 like)

Great start for your character! Very relatable traits can get conflicting when you say “painfully shy that she’s almost miserable” then can be brave when she needs to. Her bravery could be an objective triggered by circumstance which she ends up saving the day. Her personality would be a great build up to a self reliant character. Eager to see where this character goes and how she develops.

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Allison (1 like)

Mary, I love Renee so much! She seems like a very sweet girl, easy to like, and very relatable to most. I love that we get to see what her background is like, growing up in a big family and not feeling seen. But I like that even though she has a hard time she still loves her family, and that she is learning to become a stronger version of herself without having to give up those aspects of herself.

What wasn’t very clear to me is what it is that she wants. What is going to be her goal in this story, other than gaining self confidence and strenght? While that is an admirable goal, and I absolutely adore watching shy characters find confidence, the thing that is missing here is a tangible thing for her to strive towards. Is there a classmate at school that she wants to ask out? Is there a talent show/school play that she wants to audition for? Does she want to run for class president? Any of these things are very scary goals for someone who is too shy to step up and take the lead, and I can see how the internal struggle will make for a good story.

Another thing to consider, once you’ve figured out what her desire is, is what changes in her life that motivates her to be stronger? And what I mean by that is, the story would probably be a little boring if Renee just woke up one day and said “I’m gonna run for president!” and then she did. Something needs to happen for her to realize that she needs to change something within herself in order to get over that obstacle, which is her fear.

Anyway, you have a lovely character here, and I can’t wait to see how she grows on this journey!

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Mary

Allison thank you for your thoughtful feedback. I realize that I erroneously left out the context from the previous submission. This would be super confusing without the linear build up I have in my head. Her town is in danger so she went on a journey to find the Hero town that she heard stories of during her childhood in search of a hero. Only she finds that Villains overtook Hero town and she has to become the hero she was searching for. Ill remember to add context for future posts.

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Angelina (1 like)

I'm interested in seeing how Renee overcomes her shyness. Does she ever become the hero she is looking for? Great job!

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Renee Character Sketch

Meet Renee, a regular girl in search of a hero.

This is where the special thanks would go!  I’m assuming they will be a little longer this week, therefore, I designed extra space for them. If there is far more description and special thanks then there is space, this entire box becomes scrollable.

Special Thanks:

Team:
Mary FG

Dana, Will

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