Please provide final feedback to the creators of this submission below:
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What did you like or love about this submission?
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What did you find confusing or unclear?
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What suggestions do you have to make it stronger?
Kara
The completion of your story was well done. I love the art that you used both in black and white as well as when you did color to your main character. really grateful that you shared this story with us.
Derek
I enjoyed the ending of the story
Javier
I think it is a very interesting third act on how it all changes between the characters. Also being a story inside the movie industry is interesting and you can really see the change, the positive change that the unexpected meeting had between the two parties. It is also a very creative way of reminding the audience to talk with people that you might even have different opinions, you can really change and evolve.
Alia
I think all the commenters are going to get the Monsters Inc vibes and that's good haha, it's a very adequate and cute film comparison. I love that both Rugula and Phoebe get something out of their relationship when they meet (knowledge on humans and help to get home). However, I found two things confusing. (1) If human speech is confusing and complex, how would Klix understand Phoebe? Perhaps mention that Rugula translates or don't make human speech so tricky for monsters to understand. (2) It seems like Phoebe is with Rugula for months or maybe even a year considering the fact that Rugula continues to do many films and slowly gets more recognition for her perfect human speech. I suggest shortening the timeline because a young girl like Phoebe would want to actively get back home. To me, it felt like Rugula was using Phoebe and wasn't trying to find a way back home for her. Oh and at the end, I thought it was really sweet that Rugula almost became a sort of human-activist for the monsters to teach them to be open-minded.
Pietro
Taylor, congratulations on all the work you put into the worldbuilding of your story! I love all the details that you added to the art, the posters, the peculiar character design, and even your main character's name felt perfect for her. I was a little confused about the relationship between the human and monster world and the connection in the closet. Maybe you can consider setting up that earlier in the story. It reminds me of Monsters Inc. because of the two worlds collapsing, I think that there is a version of your story that feels very original even if you have the human and monster worlds collapsing, however, a few elements felt to be a little too close to Monsters Inc. like the disguise and the closet as a portal. I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way or feel discouraging, you already have enough elements to make it really different and unique. Another suggestion is to create a very clear external goal for the story and have your protagonist obsess over it. Congratulations again, I really look forward to seeing the polished version and I wish you the best with this story.
Megan
This story was a combination of "Ah! Real Monsters" and "Monsters Inc" - I'm all for it! I really enjoyed the story. It is very polished and flows well from one act to the next. The scenes with the color are exceptionally fun as the colors are so vibrant. I am a little confused how the portal to the closet works for Phoebe to fall into the monster world - can anyone's closet do it or just the one at the costume store? Why is Rugula so accepting of Phoebe vs. Klix's reaction. I'm also curious to. know a little more about the relationship that Rugula has with her boss - she fell from his good graces pretty quickly. Overall, I really enjoyed this story and feel you have a great draft of your completed story. I can't wait to see the final version for the exhibition! :)
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Rugula's Voice
Once upon a time…. In the world of monsters there is a monster named Rugula Sticks. Since she was a young egglet, she would amuse herself with creating voices. It soon became a dream of Rugula’s that someday she would become an actress in the movies. Today, Rugula is a happy monstress because she has two great things in her life that bring her joy: cooking MunchBox meals and being one of the most favored voice actors in the monster film industry that does human character voices for the films. Her Studio company, Creature Feature Films, is the most esteemed company of the monster realm that strives for perfection in their films as well as actors.
Every day……. Rugula would go to work and do human character voices for the studio. To monsters, humans are seen as loud, destructive, fast and slow moving beings whose speech patterns reflect certain types. However, besides the stereotype of the human character, the monsters see the way of possible human speech to be quite odd and complex. Rugula would be given very detailed scripts to read, expecting her to know the ideal way of the human language. Rugula thought she did everything exactly the way the producers wanted and shared the same beliefs in Human Lore the monsters had developed through the years. However, some part of her believes something is wrong with their stories.
Until one day…... as Rugula was returning home, she hears shuffling in one of the allies nearby. Curious, she thinks it’s a sphynx kitten at play. As she rounds the corner she comes face-to-face with a HUMAN GIRL. The Human says her name is Phoebe and she was cleaning the storage closet of her costume shop. Yet she found a small door that was covered by a torn poster. She opened it and accidently fell through the door to have it close behind her. Trapping her in this strange world.
Because of that…...Rugula has Phoebe stay with her in her home to keep her safe from other monsters. Not knowing how they would react to an ACTUAL human. To prevent the possibility of Phoebe getting into trouble, Rugula invites her trusted friend, Klix, to come make a “camouflage” costume for Phoebe. At first Klix is shocked and uneasy about Phoebe, since Humans were supposed to be just made up stories. Yet, her curiosity got the better of her and decided to help them. As Phoebe stays with Rugula, she learns about Rugula’s job and makes a deal: Rugula helps her find a way back home, and she’ll help Rugula improve on human speech. As the two of them practice and improve the scripts, they become great friends.
Because of that…. Rugula started reading her lines like how she and Phoebe practiced, and started to see humans in a new authentic light. Everything she learned and knew about humans was wrong. Humans aren’t all the same, destructive and oddly noisy being, but are all different. Later on, the studio proclaimed Rugula as the perfect voice actress. However, with this rise of recognition and fame came the rise of high expectations of perfection. Rugula developed the pressure and mindset of having to be perfect all the time in work and in public.
Because of that…. Due to all the pent up stress and anxiety held within her, Rugula comes home wanting to practice more lines, yet Phoebe tries to reassure Rugula that she is ok and doesn’t need to strain herself and should relax. Rugula ends up acting “monsterous” at Phoebe which scares the poor girl and she runs away. After Phoebe left, not knowing where her friend is, Rugula has a big breakdown in the studio during a major piece in the recording room. Which lead to her being reprimanded until further notice. But more importantly, left her alone.
……As Rugula returns to her empty home, she lets out a breath of dread and exhaustion. Today was the worst day of her life. She allowed her anxiety and the pressure of other’s expectations to ruin a great friendship and hurt someone she cared about. Phoebe was her friend that taught her about humans and how no one fits in one kind of stereotype or within an expectation. Human as well as Monster.
Until finally…. Rugula goes to look for Phoebe in the place where she could be hiding. Klix opens her door to see a worried Rugula. Rugula tells Klix what happened and she’s worried about Phoebe, wants to find her, and apologize. Phoebe comes out from behind the door. They talk and make amends. Rugula reassures Phoebe that she still hasn’t forgotten about finding a way back home for her. They go back to Rugula’s studio and face the boss. Rugula tells him that she no longer wants to be a part of his studio because of the way he treats people, and that she deserves better. Rugula tells him she quits and exits the room feeling a large weight being lifted from her shoulders.
Ever since that day…. Rugula and Klix try finding a way back home for Phoebe by going back to where the human and monster first met. Opening the door, Phoebe recognizes the inside of the costume closet. She hugs the two monsters goodbye and returns to her world. After Phoebe left, Rugula has been sharing what she learned about humans from when Phoebe was in their world. The monster’s once strictly stereotyped expectations of humans had improved and became more realistic. Accepting that there was not just one kind of human but many.
This is where the special thanks would go! I’m assuming they will be a little longer this week, therefore, I designed extra space for them. If there is far more description and special thanks then there is space, this entire box becomes scrollable.
Special Thanks:
Team:
Taylor Sanchez
Taylor