Please provide final feedback to the creators of this submission below:
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What did you like or love about this submission?
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What did you find confusing or unclear?
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What suggestions do you have to make it stronger?
Ani
I love the drawings and the evolution of the story from the previews. I think that the daughter could doing more. I mean about helping to her dad. :)
Duane (1 like)
A good measure of a good story is if it makes you feel something. Grandpa and the Machine definitely made me feel. As a grandpa, I feel like my grandson and his mom think I'm a bit quirky. Always working on a new digital project, but never installing that missing core starter. I enjoyed the graphics and the bits of humor. To focus and hit the bullseye I think the granddaughter should spy and be intrigued by her father's tinkering as well. Great job!
Yza (1 like)
Well, thank you so much for a great story! I loved the way you used the colors to emphasize some important moments. It got me hooked from beginning to end. What is missing for me is how his daughter might have had some more input into the outcome than just being the one who had dropped the part between the cracks of the floor. Maybe build up some more relationships with his daughter, but overall I really like the use of technology to reunite the two characters in the end. Great job would love to see your finished version. Thank you so much
James
Thanks for the feedback. if you have anything else let me know.
Erika (1 like)
Hey James T! Sweet name 😁
I love the relationship you build between Jim and his grandpa! Very sweet. I especially love how the tree’s growth marks the passage of time and keeps them connected even before the machine gets fixed.
One thing I noticed is that the pacing feels a little start-stop, largely because of Jim’s passivity toward the plot points. I think it would feel more satisfying if he finds the missing part after searching high and low, not just because the right board broke at the right time. Maybe he’s working late one night and the lightbulb dies, then in the pitch black room he sees a faint glow coming through the floor boards.
He also lets a big gap of time pass after the machine breaks. He lets his feeling defeated stop him for years, then suddenly decides to take another look. I think it would feel more satisfying to show him working for years to rebuild the broken machine and maybe even bring his daughter into it as she grows up to tie in the future generations.
You’ve something really wonderful here and should be proud! I can’t wait to see what your final edit is like.
James
Thanks for the feedback. if you have anything else let me know. This has been really fun.
Christopher (1 like)
I really like where this story has come to. You have some funny dialogue at the start that really helps build the relationship between the boy and his grandfather. and the artwork is great. I like the use of colour, especially when the light glows on people. The only thing I thought was confusing was the actual Micro Core Reactor. It shows up in the second act but I didn't have a reference point for the technology. On the one hand it feels futuristic but the rest of the world is modern day so I could be thrown off from that disconnect. When I think about it more, it feels like it could be more that the device comes out of nowhere. It could be as simple as having someone mention that it's needed earlier on, through a photo or a note. Maybe it's expensive. Otherwise I think it's great. I enjoyed it a lot and can't wait for the final version.
James
Thanks for the feedback. Can a world not be primitive and have technology? I am playing with the idea of adding a city being built during my time laps with the tree. it might help connect the time.
Megan
I really like your illustrations for this story - it was a really well-developed story too which made it even more enjoyable. I was a little confused about the few scientific terms - as someone not very familiar with mechanics, there was a part in Act 3 that is a little technical. Also, I wanted to know more about the relationship between Jim and his daughter. I know that Jim missed his grandfather but feel like he also missed out on having such a strong relationship with his own daughter and potentially his own grandchild. I thought that it might have been a role reversal for Jim at the end with him being the grandfather. I can't wait to see your final version for the exhibition! :)
James (1 like)
Thanks for the feedback, The technical stuff was made up a Micro Core reactor does not exist... but maybe one day. The daughter was a simple tool to reference the help that jim gave his grandfather in the beginning. I am thinking about cutting it out or modifying that scene. I might add a grandfather moment in the end..thanks
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Grandpa & the Machine Act:1,2,3
Grandpa & The Machine: Act one
Once upon a time… As a young boy Jim grew up with his inventor grandpa.
• Grampa would have something new to do, like planting trees and was always eventful.
Grampa : Make sure we water the tree or it will die
Jim: “OK I’ll get the water”
Jim: ”Grampa will you die if your not watered?”
Grampa: “ Why yes I would Jim”
Jim: “Grampa I never want you to die.”
Jim soaks Grampa with water and Grampa was a little disappointed about it
Every day… Late at night Grampa would head off to his workshop
• Yet Jim was always curious in what he does and would sneak out watch but never got caught
• Time had passed and one day Jim got married and Grampa was the best man.
• But Grampa’s little buddy later moves away to start his life.
But one day…Jim gets a phone call, Grampa was gone.
• At the funeral, the memories flood Jim as he looks at the picture of the man he admired.
• Hurt Jim goes to Grampa’s shop and finds that Grampa was working on something new.
• Jim realizes Grampa left a letter and shows him what he needs
Act 2:
Because the letter explains to Jim that Grampa has built a machine on a small scale to connect the other side he would need to finish it as he was stuck..
- Jim Uncovered and marveled over the invention that is grampa invented.
- So, Jim began studying and researching to finish the machine in Grampas’ shop.
- Till his wife came in one evening and said it was time to go, they were having a baby.
Because of that…the project slowed. Over the years Jim started raising his daughters, researching, and working on what he could at night.
- Jim scavenges the property and the junkyard for the parts. While searching for parts, Jim finds a rare micro-core reactor part to solve the problem Grampa had.
- When Jim arrives home, and his daughter run up and help unload the truck. But the bag gets torn, and that special part falls out in-between the floorboards of the shop without anyone knowing.
- Jim takes the bag from his daughter and looks in the bag for the last part. He is in dismay. Maybe he was dreaming, but the part was gone and mad.
Because of that…
Over the years Jim continues digging in junkyards looking for another rare micro-core reactor, only to leave empty handed
- Till late one-night after returning, Jim goes in the shop and the floorboard breaks. Jim falls in. When crawling out Jim sees something glimmer. Jim reaches out and grabs the glimmering object… Jim opens his hand the missing part has been found.
- Excited to finally complete to finish the machine, Jim blows the part and places it in and power up the machine. “BOOOOM!!”an explosion blows out all the windows in the shop.
- Covered in black soot from head to toe, Jim feeling defeated, not knowing what went wrong, leaves the shop and sits by the tree that he and Grampa planted.
Act 3:
Until One day… age has gotten the best of Jim. Jim decides to unlock the door of the shop walks in and uncover the machine. Jim starts to cleanup with a broom and bends down to pick up the picture of his grandfather, half burnt.
- But notices that the wiring on the machine didn’t look right he reviewed his charred drawing and notices the polarity of the micro core reactor power source was connected backward but was still glowing.
- Hoping that something so simple could have been the problem so many years back. Jim makes the repairs to the machine over the next few hours. And then, the core reactor starts to glow brighter and slowly powers the machine.
- The machine started to make loud noises and shakes the whole building. (Family runs out of house like it was an earthquake!) Then everything instantly became still. Back in grampa’s shop the machine was on.
- Jim was surprised and shocked. Gazing into the looking glass Jim only sees himself. Until the man in the mirror placed his hand on the glass and said, Grampa: “What took you so long boy?”
Jim: “I had some setbacks; sorry, this took me so long! I missed you!“ Grampa “and I you….”
- Pause :
- Grampa: “Is the tree still alive?”
Jim “ it sure is, I sit by it every day…”
From that day forward, Jim and Grampa get to talk about the lifetime they have missed.
I like to thank my wife Divonna, daughters Allison and Lia. Including my parents and brothers for all believing in me and my passion. I would also like to thank the In A Box Program, Pixar Staff and all the class members who participated. This experience was a great opportunity to broaden my mind inside and outside of the box.
Special Thanks:
Team:
James T
James
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