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What did you like or love about this submission?
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What did you find confusing or unclear?
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What suggestions do you have to make it stronger?
Fiona
Aww I’m tearing up. Haha I can totally see why he would be scared of human ghosts but it’s impossible to dislike a friendly dog, even in ghost form!
Esmeralda (1 like)
Hello!
I really love the moral of this story and how everything was explained! I thought it was exciting and cool how Billy finally was able to get over his fear and how he got a change of view from ghosts. I think something unclear to me when listening was how did the grandma and Billy get these magical abilities. I think the story could be stronger if you gave a brief explanation on to how they got these powers. I think also explaining about the story that Billy reads is also a little unclear because I was confused as to why that was brought up until I thought about it after. Overall though this story is so cute and got me invested! Awesome job!
Sandra (1 like)
Hey Pizza Planet Co.! So happy to see more of Billie well-off in his journey now! Love the whimsy narrative that you’ve created and the dog friend you’ve added in! I’m curious to know why doesn’t Billie like tending to the tombstones? I would figure that his grandmother would try to make him appreciate this duty more. And why doesn’t she share this ability to him sooner? And when Billie and the group find the dog, I wonder if it can be in a place that frightens Billie which could push him even more to face his fears, not only of ghosts, but truly the unknown. Love that the ghosts help him in his first mission and become friends with them after in the cemetery. It’s a nice wrap to the story! Can’t wait to see more of Billie and the ghosts!
Brandon (1 like)
The art is pretty charming and I always love a story about making a dog happy. I think emotionally tying the grandma's duty to protect the cemetery for the ghosts would make Billy feel more obligated and more guilty for running away; ultimately leading to a stronger presentation of the moral.
Lina (1 like)
Hello! Really nice work, I liked the storytelling and how the story developed. Something I'd suggest is to strengthen the tension of the journey, why is he fearful at first of ghosts? I think it will make the story greater.
Stephanie (1 like)
Hi there.The idea of seeing and talking to ghosts is a bit chilling and spooky, but your story had a whimsical and unique tone to it, especially when you introduced the dog. The overall message of facing your fears is great and universal. Will Billie see the ghosts for the rest of his life? What if he doesn't want that life and the burden of helping every single ghost? Hope to hear and see more form this story!
Sanchez (1 like)
I think the moral of the story is really strengthened by learning that Billie doesn't want to tend to the tombstones early on! I personally think the story could benefit from learning about his duty earlier on/him starting the story knowing, to get to the lost dog angle quicker, as that's the part that most intrigued me. Overall I love the wholesomeness of the story!
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Billie Story
Once upon a time there was a boy named Billie. Billie lived with his grandma near a cemetery, he loved to read fantasy books where the main character was alway a renowned hero. Every day Billie would help his grandma tend to the cemetery even though he didn’t like it, he preferred to water the flowers and tend to the garden than looking after the Tombstones. But one day his grandma confides in him that he will soon get the ability to see ghosts this is why they took care of the cemetery, it was their duty too look after the ghost and help them any way they could. Because of that when Billie got his ability he was very scared and didn’t want to help the ghosts, however when he was tending to a tombstone he saw a dog coming out of it and running away in direction to the city. Because of that, Billie hesitated to run after the dog, it wasn’t until more ghost came out of their tombs looking for the runaway dog that Billie knew it was his time to help out. Because of that Billie went into the city with a group of ghosts who not only supported him with his first “mission” but also comforted him in his fear of the unknown. Until finally Billie and the group found the dog and where able to return to the house. The ghost boy owner of the dog was so happy and Billie knew that this was his calling. Ever since that day Billie is happy to help out in the cemetery and looks forward to play with his ghost dog friend and the rest of the ghosts. The moral of the story is: Facing your fears, help you and others.
This is where the special thanks would go! I’m assuming they will be a little longer this week, therefore, I designed extra space for them. If there is far more description and special thanks then there is space, this entire box becomes scrollable.
Special Thanks:
Team:
Pizza Planet Co.
Andrea, Manuela, Nicolás, Simon
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