Andrea (1 like)

I love Bean so much! I think you’ve done an incredible job to make the story more concise and to the point, giving us fair hints about the character and the story behind it. Good job!!

James (1 like)

This was great was very easy to follow. I do hope you give the corporate shop a evil name. Look forward to Act 3

Jiwoo (1 like)

Hi Ally G :)

First of all, I loved your art! It is so warm and cozy! Also loved a little montage of Bean's daily routine. So far, not much was unclear :) All incidents were logically and coherently linked to one another. Can't wait to see what happens next!

Ani

- I love the cat character I hope it has a relevant story inside
- Why apparently is so perfect until cat appearance?
- For me is ok, in this point. However I want to know more about cat. I'm curious.

Cheyenne (1 like)

Great job with the illustrations. Even if you didn't have sound, the images would still read perfectly! And Bean is such a great character. You really want to root for her success in this story.

I agree with Richard...the cat does seem like a little bit of a wildcard in the center there. It does confuse the conflict a little bit, and it might make the story stronger if you introduce the cat a little earlier. One suggestion for that might be...what if the corporate coffee shop owners put a camera on the cat, and sent the cat over to Bean's shop to be a spy for them, knowing the cat wouldn't be able to resist the smell of the muffins? That way we might put a face to the competition across the street...right now the corporate owners are a mystery.

I love this wholesome story, and I can't wait to see what kind of wisdom grandma brings to the table! Keep up the good work!

Emma (1 like)

I would first like to say that I absolutely love your story so far. It is very heartwarming and makes me really want to root for Bean. Nothing is confusing and I have nothing to suggest to make it better. Keep up the wonderful work!

Malachi (1 like)

First of all major kudos to the narrator, it was very engaging. Im in love with bean's optimism and am rooting for her success. the artwork was very expressive and I can't wait to see more!

Richard (1 like)

Bean is very cute and makes for a very sweet main character. As it stands you seem to have two external conflicts, one being the corp coffee shot and the other being the curious cat. I feel like if you introduce the cat earlier, that might help clarify the conflict. Right now, it feels like the corporate coffee shop is the focus of the external conflict and then the cat is introduced as a wildcard factor, which confuses the conflict for me. If the cat was around earlier, then maybe we can see how this cute, innocent creature can be a source of frustration for her goals. I also feel like the tension drops off when Grandma shows up, as if we're at the end of the story rather than the end of Act 2. It could be good to have more conflict in Act 2 and finish with something much more catastrophic. Bean's internal conflict of seeking perfection could be put to the test a bit more as well. She's pretty successful at following all the rules, but I feel like those rules are a great list of "try-fail" cycles. That way, when Grandma shows up, she can take the role of the wise instructor to help her understand what it means to run a successful coffee shop. Other questions that come to mind are how old the coffee shop is? This story is very warm and charming in that Ghibli sort of spirit. I think you're doing a great job and the bones of the story are solid. My comments are just a bit of detailing to fill out those bones.

Jessica (1 like)

Great job with the minor beats and illustrations. Your story is really coming together. Something that was unclear: Her grandma seems fine, so I was surprised the note said the mom was taking care of her. Also, the narration said, "She wakes up every day and works in her grandma's cafe," so I thought that she was walking downstairs to the cafe where her grandma was and then she went to work at a cafe, so I was confused.

I suggest giving the corporate coffee store a name. I'm surprised the cat was in the corporate coffee shop. I suggest showing the cat in the background sooner, like when she's walking to cafe and when she's setting up so we can get a hint of what's to come.

Great job!

Katie (1 like)

I loooove this! The characters are so cute and likable, and the concept is something I could really envision as a complete short film. No questions or suggestions, keep up the good work :))

Bethany (1 like)

Hi! This is a really great story! It's really cute! Two things that I am confused on. One, why is she jealous of the corporate coffee shop? Two, it confused me at the end that her grandmother was sweeping when I thought she was supposed to be ill? One thing to make it stronger is that you could show why she is jealous of her competition. Other than that this is a great story.

Andrea (1 like)

Hello! I love your main character, she is so enthusiastic and cute! I really want her coffee shop to succeed. Also, I really liked your story rithm, I never got bored.
I think that her problem would be clearer if you show how successful the corporate coffee shop is and how different both shops are. Great job!

Manuela (1 like)

I really enjoyed watching beans daily routine, very soothing! i really like the way you are telling the story, im rooting for bean, and cant wait to see the third act, nothing confusing at the moment or unclear, i do want to know a bit more about the corporate coffee shop, if there is a manager thats kind of a nemesis or a main rival that is a person on itself, maybe we'll see that in act 3! great job