Fiona

Loved the visual comedy in this! The only thing I would say is maybe tweak the timing in places to help get that energy across.

Nova (1 like)

Oh my gosh. GH—YAAAGGHCCKK *perishes* That was SO GOOD. GYAAAAGH. The comedy—the sound design—the art—the everything. HHHHNNGNH. GOsh—the—th—the contrast between the drums and the clock at the start? So intelligent. Huge brain. Immediately, you establish that concept of time, and you set it at odds with the things that are important to her—a steady, incessant, monotonous ticking that clashes with a sporadic, high-octane drum kit—it reminds me of an animated short on YouTube—“Beat by Or Bar-El. Anyways, just wow. I’m not crying, but just imagine that I am.

I’ve probably already said this in the past (or the FUTURE??), but the character design in this is absolutely phenomenal. Their silhouettes are so readable, and their expressions and mannerisms are endlessly charming. You did a superb job of establishing how the method of time travel works, and I loved the whole thing about the ad signal reaching an era without time travel—hilarious. Speaking of hilarious, your humor is like 99% exactly my humor. The whole “this is a recorded message from the future, so trust us when we say the answer is already ‘no’” thing? Gold. Madeline’s “let’s go back and make your mistakes right again, which is to say, make them wrong again”? The delivery was perfect. The quick mention about Leslie’s tab? PFt—oh boy she gonn’ be in debt forever, ain’t she. The “this is personal” gag? ACk—it’s just—everything about this is amazing. And, DANG—thirteen minutes? FLEX. Mad props. Happy props. I can’t imagine how much work that was.

Now, suggestion time! … … … Uh—I—uh… Hm… Ah! No wait… Mm… F—finish this? Just—complete it. Fully complete this—publish this sucker. Is publish the right word? Produce? I—I dunno—just—get voice-actors (as much as I adore your just-you voice-acting), animate, get someone to compose a soundtrack—and presto. This is the only suggestion I can make to something so perfect.

Excellent, excellent work. I’m real excited t’ see whatcha do from here. Which reminds me, drop them social medias. Please. I need them. I adore you.

John-Charles (1 like)

Haha thank you, I'm glad to hear you really enjoyed this

Manuela

I really liked the drawings, pacing could have bit a bit faster in certain parts but other than that really cool story

Miriam

I like the story and the drawings! Time travel to solve the problems of the past is a subject open to many possibilities. In my opinion it is an excellent script and I really like the animatic. What I am not very clear about is why that tennis match had changed his life so much. I would love to see you make the short film.

Cynthia

Really awesome and appealing characters. Would love to see more of them. The only recommendation would be maybe to have the pacing be quicker in some parts

Marijke

Well done! Great style and very nice pacing throughout the short. The story is great. Everything is very clear. My suggestion is that it could be a little shorter here and there to keep the story moving.
I really loved the ending. Very satisfying.

Duane

Great job! Relevant! Make sure Will Smith gets a copy! Heck! I need those digits!!! Bogged down a bit in the middle, but overall great job!

Ally

I think you did an awesome job! Leslie is such a funny and relatable character with a ton of personality, and the pacing of the whole story was really well done. The fortune cookie part and the phone calls made me laugh a lot! I loved each characters' design, and I really enjoyed the parts with the music in the background, I think it fit the theme of the story nicely. Overall, between the characters and the writing, I found myself smiling throughout the entirety of your story :-)! Amazing!!

Cassilda

Adore this short! Important message too. I think you might be able to shorten dialogue a bit, maybe? The initial exposition is great but the dialogue between Leslie and the Timetravel agent at the "pre" climax can be shortened in my opinion. The calls could also maybe be a bit shortened I think. Other than this your short is awesome! The jokes are good and come through very well, the pacing is stable, character evolves naturally and thoroughly, the art style is beautiful in its "simplicity". Very well done! Do you have social media? I'd love to follow your work if you share it around!