Duane

Thank you! Kain, the main character, mission was to do the honor of returning his father's ashes to Earth. His father's home planet. His father's ashes could have very easily been spread upon Mars. By traveling across the country with his father's remains, Kain is able to better understand his heritage and family background. It is an incredible element of the circle of life. My father was a steelworker. Every day of his adult life, he went to the hot, dangerous mill and labored to support his family. The only thing I knew about my father's early life was that he dropped out of school to work on the family farm outside of New Orleans. A few years later he moved to Chicago and got to work at the mills and providing for his growing family. He raise 7 kids, my mom's mother, 3 of my younger uncles and 1 aunt. Years later, after the funeral, the family was gathered in the kitchen. One of my cousins who grew up with my dad, was talking nonstop. Most of the captive audience left when an opportunity presented itself. I always liked hearing the older folks' stories. Somehow his story became a tale of flash horse racing on stretches of bayou land. He went on about how people in the community would bring their picnic baskets and blankets and chairs and drinks and line each side of the impromptu race track. It was a very festive atmosphere. Then he began talking about the most popular, winningest jockey. I politely interrupted him and asked who he was talking about. He looked at me and said; "Your Dad!" I had no idea my dad was a jockey. I put my had to my chest. Flashbacks of coming to the farm on summer vacation and being mesmerized by a singular horse in a small stable took over my mind. As a yankee city boy I found it fascinating that I was out in the countryside standing behind a real live....Lights out! Like a thunder clap, the horse kicked me dead in the middle of my chest. Anyway, so every time I visit the land of my father I feel pumped up and inspired. I wished my father and I had had conversations instead of the 'children are to be seen, and not heard' dogma of that time. All of these ancestral components come into play as to who you are or may become. I was a very good trumpet player growing up. I had no idea of my New Orleans, jazz connection. As a kid I didn't even know we were going to New Orleans, I just knew we were driving down South. I knew I was going to get 'car sick' around Kentucky. It would have made a world of difference to know of my New Orleans music heritage when I was developing my chops. Sorry to write a novel, but like my cousin Moses standing in the kitchen telling my father's story. I am who I am, and home is where the heart is.

Yenny (1 like)

Hello there! I love the atmosphere you guys give it to the story! maybe one thing that make me difficult to follow the story was that a didnt understand really what was the porpose of your principal character or what he learn at the end, but looks you put a lot of efford on your story!

James

I'm glad to see that you got it in. I was concerned with you doing alot of it in 3D that time would be against you. I think you have a story and some more clipping todo. But continue your work, I would love to hear more from the characters vs narration. Thanks for doing the class.

Duane

Thanks James. It went right down to the wire. The moment I decided to throw in the towel on 3D game developing, I received a last day to sign up notice for Storyxperiential. I suddenly had about 600 3d assets that would be sitting around idle. Many of the assets I just saw their potential and acquired them thinking, one day I'll find a story to use them in. The course was perfect in explaining how to structure a story. I've already begun editing and scrubbing my story reel. I wonder what is next in the Pixar workflow? After the storyreel is refined and developed, does the scriptwriting begin. Does the design and development of actual 3D characters begin? LOL! Yes! I had to just do it, narration-wise. I've never liked my own voice, it's been deep and authoritative since the age of 14 or 15. Can you imagine being on the streets of Chicagoland and answering a challenge with a narrator voice? As a team of one I had to change hats constantly. Oddly enough, the 3D project I was working on prior to this course was driven by lip-sync, gestures, eye movement and emoting. It would have thrown my timeline way of track to have included those elements. Then there was the music. Half my earlier life I was a professional musician. Music always creeps into my daily grind and tasks. 'Need You Tonight' (You're my kind) and especially 'Sing A Mean Tune Kid' I thought were perfect. On the other hand I thought I was really pushing the limits by using 3D instead of drawing and didn't want to add disqualified for using unlicensed music material. So I jumped on the musical keyboard and composed my original, 'The Best Thing'. Lastly, I got distracted by all this Cryptocurrency, I thought I could develop some NFT Art. I lost 3-4 days in Week 6, building a Web 3 game. It didn't work on completion. Tech support was nonexistent. Sales told me that I should subscribe to their service for $190/month. Huh? The demo doesn't work! Exit stage left. Back to Storyxperiantial. I'm grateful for this opportunity. I can see now how as an artist I can best express myself. I was always a quiet kid and heard that the quiet ones were the ones you had to look out for. I was quiet because I was trying to control Astral Projection and traveling to other worlds each night when I lay down to sleep. I was tired already, walking to school. Thus Indigo Kid. My father was a Steelworker, incredibly, he worked with Joe Jackson, who lived a block away, and he was from New Orleans. He certainly did not understand me, nor did he try. Sometimes I don't think he even liked me. He had a house full of extended family to provide for, plus his own 7 children. Indigo Children/Star Children are kids that have remembrance of a prior life. Sometimes life on another planet. I can hear him now if I'd exposed my secret to him..."What's wrong with you boy?" Or "What you want a whoopin with? A belt or a green switch? That was after I'd taken his technology, television, phone, stereo, apart to it's smallest component and couldn't put it back together. So now I will rewrite my Storyreel, then open Final Draft or Magic Screenwriter and get to the writing of the Indigo Kid. Thanks for your time. I'd love to keep you posted and updated. Let me know how James. Duane; d.a_ateam@cox.net

Maria Teresa

His idea is good, his way of doing the work is original , but I disn't feel empathy.

Ahmira

i love the character appeal and the flow of the story you are telling it is really good!

Jasmine (1 like)

I've been following this project for a while and it feels like you're improving on it each time, I still stand by my previous comments from previous weeks so I won't rehash them here, but I see the efforts being made to improve the foundation of your story spine

Fiona

There are some very strong elements to your story but overall I’m a little confused. Maybe just a little more explanation of the setting and the character’s motivations would help. for example Why does he want to work on earth?

AJ

Your submission is for sure one that stands out with the 3D animations. I think you have a clear story that you want to portray however I think that there's a lot of side details that can be edited out and that would totally help with the length too! I think that it's important to remember that if it doesn't help the story move forward, then its better not to include it because just making it longer doesn't always make it better. You have the foundation there, it just needs a good editing!

Pietro

I really love the uniqueness of this submission, with 3D animation and archive footage. I also like the setting of a Mars colony. However, I didn't find this particular story compelling because of the protagonist's main goal of spreading the ashes of his dad in the Mississippi River. The pacing and length of the reel also felt longer than they needed to be. The story has great concepts, but there are too many conflicting storylines which make it confusing. My suggestion to make it better is to really simplify it to a core idea and re-edit the story reel following the story spine script.

Pietro

Hey there, I'm so sorry. I wrote my previous comment thinking it was only visible to the internal team for voting purposes to pick the most compelling stories. That's why I was very direct, but I didn't mean to sound harsh.