Diego (1 like)

Hi Kim :D

I wanted to reply earlier, sorry about that. By the way, I do appreciate the quirquiness in our drawings hahaha I think it gives character to the drawings.

I must say that Week 7 submission was perfect already, only minor details were missing in my opinion: stablishing shots of every new location interior and exterior, and dialogue for the dad in the end. That is it :)

In Week 7 we can really feel for the characters and everything is rounded up, from the alien pins to the emotions of the girl toward her mom and dad. I can see you have put a great amount of effort in Week 8, writing and recording dialogue, drawing more, etc. Even with this much effort it would need a lot more to work as much as in Week 7 without narration.

It is really demanding to pass from a version which has narriation to the first version without narration because of many factors. The main factor is that when we first take out the narration, we must now explain all those words with a lot more drawings, sounds and music and that means that in order to tell the story we now need double or triple the time to tell it and it becomes a looot of work.

At the time being, I see Week 8 submission in an early stage because we need to recover many things to round up the film again and also to regain the feeling for the characters, which I felt it got lost in the process. For example to see the alien pin development again, and most of all, to focus on the strength of your story which is the relationship of the girl with her mother and on her fathers abandonment. Both things are super super strong and that is why I love your story!!! In week 7 I lost my breath a couple of times when she said those strong things to her mom, that her father left them.

I hope that what I'm saying is clear. It happened the same thing to our film when we took out narration. I've managed to get almost 2/3 of the story to be understandable, but the last 1/3 needs a lot of work and it is mostly holding up because it still has some parts of the narration writen alongside the drawings.

I super love your Week 7 submission and of course I know you can make a week 8 version without narration but I would be happier to see you work on new stories and develop your skills in narrating many other personal situations that you think important! Because you really managed to get deep in the heart with that "dad left us" and I know you have a lot more to say with other thoughts, stories and personal feelings.

Keep making the stories you care about, great job!!!!

:D
Diego

Álvaro

Hello Kim!! First of All, Kudos for finishing the story on time! :D I loved the plot, this story has a lot of potential too. But i wished you kept the beginning from previous deadlines, It was already perfectly narrated. and Drawings were good too, Overhall This is one of the stories I looked for, the most. I love Aliens too. I'm happy she has an happy ending reunited with her dad. I love to imagine the plot on my head. Thank you!! Best greetings and Good work!!

Kim (1 like)

Hi again Álvaro! You and Jiwoo gave me some great suggestions to improve and I uploaded this revision. If you have a chance to see, I hope you like it : ) I think the pace is improved (esp the beginning) and I explained the end a bit more (and added another ridiculous joke haha) THANK YOU again!

Álvaro (2 likes)

Hi Kim! Thank you for telling me, I've just checked ;) and it's much better this way. feels more complete! Specially the ending dialogue between dad-daughter. You did such a good work, Big kudos! And never stop!

Kim (1 like)

Thanks Alvaro! It's so interesting you suggested keeping an earlier beginning, one of my friends said the same thing! I don't know if you had this problem but I when I'm in the thick of it, it's challenging for me to see what to leave in and what to change. I am sure when I look at this video 3 months from now it will be much more clear ; D Thanks, it's been fun watching your story develop too : ) Have fun!

Álvaro (1 like)

I totally get you!...sometimes is hard to see clearly. But in the end all's been worth it and the work is reflected there. I truly see this story becoming like the epilogue of a First season series, to let season 2º start ;) with the family reunited and all that it implies. It's been really great to see your story! take care Kim!

Kennedi (1 like)

Love the dialog and different voices. You made all your own noises?! I like the clapping, shredder, and kettle sounds. The most intriguing part of the story is the internal conflict the main character goes through. In disbelief of aliens and her father's abduction. The only thing that makes sense, is that she believes her father left her as a child. Which can be seen as problematic. Nice work.

Kim

Thank you Kennedi! I'm proud of what I've done with such limited time and appreciate you nailing that central conflict. : )

Jiwoo (1 like)

To be honest, I have some limited interaction with sci-fi genre, BUT your story was so interesting to watch! I guess it's because of all the catchy dialogues and cute art (like the scene in which Oliver smiles naively while he is being dognapped =) ). Also i looooved how you voiced over the transitions, it was so funny😂. Just real quick, I was a little confused about dad coming back home. From what I have understood, I was kidnapped by aliens and that same UFO came back and he finally got free when Jodi smashed it? Let me know if I got it wrong. I really liked your sense of humor and story frame, which really engaged me to your story ;) AND Hoorah for your final submission!!

Kim

Hi again Jiwoo! You and Álvaro gave me some great suggestions to improve and I uploaded this revision. If you have a chance to see, I hope you like it : ) I think the pace is improved (esp the beginning) and thanks to you, I explained the end a bit more (and added another ridiculous joke haha) THANK YOU again!

Kim

Jiwoo thank you so much : )))))))))) I really appreciate that you appreciate my humor, haha. It was hard sometimes not to laugh doing those voices.

James

I liked the story frame. Im an X-Files fan.... I do think you have a lot going on, you could clipp a little in areas. Yet very solid work. Thanks for being in the class

Kim

Hey again, James! Thanks to all the great feedback I just uploaded a revision. I think the pace (esp at the beginning) is improved and the ending more clear. Thanks again : )

Kim

Yeah you're not wrong about a lot going on. Getting behind a few weeks ago made it tough. And it's always so much easier to see what needs to stay and what needs to go when it's someone else's work - not so easy for my own!